Q: How long should I expect to grieve from a loss?
A: Grieving is a personal process. It takes as much time as it takes. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel or for how long.
Q: Will I ever be happy again?
A: As you start the healing process, you may find happiness coming in bursts or small bits. Personally I was nauseas for a year pending my decision, but I pushed through it and started finding sparks of light and joy coming through as I decided what was next for me.
Q: Is there no hope? This book seems rather dark.
A: There is joy and hope just around the corner. Look for Vol II of The Fernhead Diaries: Living Unstuck, and see how you amazed you will be by your transformed life; either with the same partner, with yourself as a single, or with someone new.
Q: What if I want to salvage my relationship and don’t want a divorce? Is this book for only extreme alternatives?
A: The loss you are grieving could be that the relationship you have in the moment is not working, but it doesn’t mean reading this book means you want to (or need to) get a divorce. You can find treasures in Vol I The Fernhead Diaries: Coming Up Unstuck and work with your partner on the stories you both have and reopen communications between the two. Redefining what you want and need in your relationship. It’s never too late to start a partnership.
Q: What if I don’t know how to talk to my partner? Is it too late to fix our problems?
A: Find a professional to help (Imago therapy is a great start), build a support system with friends who have successful marriages and ask them to be your mentors, look for someone to facilitate your conversations and help you both clear patterns so you both can heal.
Q: How do I find a therapist I can trust?
A: Take the time to interview potential therapists on their approach and belief systems. It is your choice on who you decide to hire to help you through your process and you can always change your mind.
Q: What if I’ve never had therapy before? The thought of therapy makes me uncomfortable.
A: Give therapy a try, you can always try something else if therapy doesn’t feel right. Some therapists provide a pay as per salary to assist with fees.
Q: What if I keep changing my mind about getting a divorce or staying in my relationship?
A: You can change your mind as often as you want, and when it is time to take action or make a decision, trust yourself. You will know when you know. And talk to your partner, you are both in this thing together one way or another.
Q: Is there a particular age for children that is better if the parents decide to get divorced?
A: The timing of whether you get help with relationship therapy or whether you decide to get a divorce is a personal choice. Regardless of the child’s age, remember they are children, not your friend and confidant. Also keeping in mind that it is best if both the father and the mother are engaged in parenting to raise children to healthy adulthood; whether you live in the same house or parent separately.
Q: What if I am in a same-sex marriage?
A: How you partner or parent, and how you choose to live your life is a personal choice. If you are in a same-sex marriage, whether you decide to stay in the marriage or not, there are also extended family members or people from your community who can provide bonding and healthy modeling for the one of different sexual orientation not in the marriage. For example, two gay men might encourage a grandmother to participate in their child’s life, or two lesbian women may have an uncle or brother who has a special bond with your child. Again, it is a personal choice.
Q: Are there workshops or support groups in my area?
A: There are always support groups. You can look up therapists, find communities in your church or meditation home or local outreach program, look at meetup.com on the Internet, or start your own group.
Q: Are there support groups for my children?
A: Rainbows is an excellent support system for children. Often adults bringing their children find solace and support with other parents whose children are in Rainbows. Visit www.rainbows.org.